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i'd lie
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Your tagboard codes here. Width <220px. cbox recommended.
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Saturday, October 29, 2005 @ 8:41 AM
x [yahoo photos] x I can't stand this anymore. Just now I went to maa maa's blog and just found out that I was the one of her close friend...its like, I didn't know I meant THAT much to her...thought I was just a normal friend...Then, I went to her yahoo photos...I could hardly control my feelings then, I felt very sick in my stomach (dont really know why)...found myself missing ijc so much, missed everything...I saw the mcfest photos and of all photos she posted the ones showing CO's performance...I felt a sudden urge to go back there to play my cello with them...remembering the fun times I had just two months ago...this is so sad...really really sad...and depressing. Recently I had thought that I had overcome the homesick feelings but why...why is this feeling coming back to haunt me...I can't imagine how much fun I missed out during the past two months...I shouldnt have left. Even if it meant a more stressful life in IJC compared to here in canada, the fun, laughters, friends and warmth, will make up for it ='( I wondered if I had made the right choice leaving...starting to regret it..... I know its too late to turn back now and say that I want to leave canada and go back to ijc. I know everything will change the next time I go back to ijc...I want everything to remain unchanged when I get back next year. I am just afraid that I will not be able to fit in my friends ever again....I really dont want that to happen. However, I sense that.......i dont know, but, it seems that everyone has been blocking me in msn.........no one comes online anymore, not as much as the weeek before promos. I tried telling myself that everything will be okay...even if everyone forgets you, you still need to carry on your days in canada, there's no turning back.........as foolish as it may seem, I actually tried cheering myself up by telling myself that there is still snow waiting for me...it'll be snowing after a couple of days or weeks.......soon........ But after I saw the photos, I was happy at first, knowing I get a chance to see my friends again, after awhile, I felt unusually horribly sad.............. I know its impossible for me to want things to remain unchanged back in spore, afterall, life still goes on no matter where you are...I think its only right for me to look forward to halloween (just like the kids here).....and I would be feeling better after monday, I really hope so. |